Tag Archives: Dogs

Marley & The Puppy Corral

9 May

My family is so weird. We’ve had some many dogs over the past 17 years. 13 to be exact. Some of them have gone on to heaven, some hell, some of them we’ve had to give away due to our family having to relocate, and some just didn’t work out. Lets see if I can name them in order:

Hannah (Golden Retriever)

Jake (Akita)

Hallie (Neapolitan Mastiff) We had to give her away because she wasn’t too fond of me.

Candy & Sammy (2 annoying ass corgis that did not last very long. Candy was my sister’s obviously.)

Bailey (Cock-a-poo)

Bear (Chocolate Lab)

Frisco (English Mastiff)

Nick (English Mastiff)

Dallas (English Mastiff)

Lucy (CRAZY German Shepard)

Shellie (Golden Doodle)

Marley (Mini Poodle. Purely retarded.)

That’s quite a list if you ask me. We’ve still got Shellie, Marley, Nick, and our newest edition Sir Bob Farticius! It’s nothing short of a puppy corral at my house. If you ask me, Marley (the tard) is the source of all the problems. She is VICIOUS! Every time another one of the other dogs walks into the kitchen, she launches at their neck and tries to rip our their fur. This is unsuccessful most of the time because she is significantly smaller than the others. Here’s what she looks like:

As you can see, she’s clearly psychotic. Half the time, she doesn’t even recognize her name. Granted, she was from a puppy mill and she was hit by a car. Regardless, my weird family and other dogs seem to accept her… kind of. I have to admit, I sometimes try to elicit characteristics of her inner tard. It makes my sister FURIOUS, but when she’s not home, I give Marley a serious, badass mo-hawk every now and then. It’s one of the funniest things to see her jostle her self around sporting that look. There are a few things that just make her tick. for instance, the ice machine in the refrigerator. One that baby gets started, Marley winds around, spinning in circles, until she passes out. She also has asthma. But it only seems to surface when she get’s excited. We’ve all decided that there’s no cure. She also likes to hump our other dog Nick. She’s quite the horn ball. The only problem is that 1, she is a girl, and 2, she weighs 20 pounds and Nick weighs about 200…. Improbable.

It feels like our family has had her FOREVER, but unfortunately, it’s only been about 3 years. And even more unfortunately, they live to be about 20… Good thing I’m off to college!

This is Shellie:

She’s in my top three favorite. Technically, she’s my dog. We got her on my 15th birthday. She’s kind of bi-polar. Out in public, she’s fantastic. I can walk her without a leash, take her on our boat, and her and I can adventure together when I’m on the hunt for new things to photograph. The problem is, when she enters our kitchen, and Marley lets out a single yelp, Shellie turns into Satan. She’ll rant allll around the kitchen. Wackin’ things off the counters, jumpin’ up on people and punchin’ them in the gut at warp speed, and pretty much becoming a whirlpool tornado of destruction. Get her out of the kitchen, and she is calm, cool, and collected. Then she’ll nicely rest her paws on your belly and ask to be gently petted. THEN, once she gets what she wants, she’ll let out a big fart, jump down, and go about her business. But still, much better than Marley….

This is Nicholas:

Here he’s in his youth I might add. Now, he just chills on his doggie bed, eats, takes people pain meds, and poops. Emphasis on the poop. He’s by far been the best dog we’ve ever had. Sad thing is, he’s getting old. He just turned 8! To make sure his departure is at least a little bit easier on our family, my dad already got his replacement. Though there will never be a dog as great as Nick.

This is Bob:

Big Nick & Little Bob

I prefer to call him Sir Bob Farticus. When he first got him, he was a precious little ball of fur. Now, he’s a pissing tornado of urine. He probably pees 70 times a day, and only about 30 of those times does he actually make it outside. He’s a great dog, but I just wish he had a smaller bladder.

And that’s all on em! Welcome to my life….